How to Overcome the Sexual Desires and Masturbation
How can a Muslim overcome sexual desires and give up masturbation?
Sexual desire is actually a feeling that Allah swt bestowed humanbeings for the continuation of generation. It is a natural matter (fitrah) but more than that, a gift, because if there was no pleasure in sexual desire, people would not face up to the heavy responsibilities and troubles of giving birth, raising children etc. , so the generation wouldn’t continue. Since the generation of mankind should go on, man is given sexual desire as a worldly reward for carrying out the troublesome duty of continuation of generation.
However, it is such a feeling that, if man does not keep it under control, it will start dominating him and bring him “pain and eternal regret” instead of pleasure and will be “a source of penalty” more than being a reward. That’s why; a Muslim should definitely take this feeling under control, but how?
In this article, we’ll try to shed light on the “ways to control the sexual desire” and “solutions to give up masturbation”:
Avoid the environment and media that arouse the sexual desires
One of the most important precautions to take in order to control the sexual desires is to avoid places, images, views, media and any cause that provoke lust. Because, as the ayah orders “And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way.”, anything which makes you close to adultery always has the danger to make you fall into adultery.
Surely, adultery does not come out suddenly. The first stage to appear is “desire”. What is important at this stage is to avoid this “desire” while we can and while “will” is still in use. So, it is under the control of “will” to avoid any places and causes leading to adultery in order to avoid the “desire” to come out. In other words, the most important caution is using the” will” to keep away from whatever makes you close to adultery.
Try not to delay marriage
Actually, there is a way to relieve sexual desire without falling into immorality. A halal, permissible way. A way, which is also the main purpose of this desire; marriage. So, the Blessed Prophet pbuh advises young to get married to prevent themselves from immorality:
“0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes from casting (evil glances). and preserves one from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting for it is a means of controlling sexual desire. “ (Muslim, Kitab un-Nikah, 3231)
Performing fast (sawm) chastens the soul (nafs)
If a young has difficulties in contolling his desires and cannot afford to marry either, then what he should is to “observe fast”, which will restrain and call down his desires.
“… but those who cannot (marry) should devote themselves to fasting for it is a means of controlling sexual desire. “ (Muslim, Kitab un-Nikah, 3231)
Choose good companions!
Since companions of a person have a great impact on his social life, Islam places tremendous importance on making friends and advices Muslims to avoid companions who will lead to evil acts ending in regret.
Narrated Abu Hurayrah ra, The Prophet pbuh said:
“A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” (Abudawud; 41; 4815)
So to avoid falling into the trap of sexual desires, having good friends is extremely important. Because, what underlies many wrong actions is actually wrong friends and a wrong social environment encouraging to wrongdoing.
Besides, on the Day Judgement, there will be a great sorrow and regret because of having wrong friends:
“On the day when the wrong-doer will bite his hands, he will say: Ah, would that I had chosen a way together with the messenger (of Allah)! Alas for me! Ah, would that I had never taken such a one for friend! He verily led me astray from the Reminder after it had reached me. Satan was ever man's deserter in the hour of need.” (Surah al-Furqan; 27-29)
Practical Solutions to Control Desires
1. Occupy yourself with beneficial, positive and educatory activities, books etc and avoid any vain thing that will let your mind be busy with sexual desires. Never forget, your mind will occupy in whatever you are busy with.
2.Refrain from wearing tight pants and tight short. Tight garments that compress sexual organ stimulate the sexual desires, which may induce masturbation.
3.When you go to bed, keep your legs apart as much as possible. It is easier to control the sexual desire unless the sexual organ is compressed.
4.Before going to bed, if you feel the need, don’t delay urinating. Because, the need to urinate arouses the sexual feelings which may stimulate the desire for masturbation.
5. Prefer sleeping on right side instead of lying flat on back or face downwards.
6.When you feel the need to masturbate, the best solution to calm down is to wash the sexual organ with cold water.
7. To abstain masturbating during bath; which may, seeming a rather suitable place, evoke the feelings; first pour cold water below your waist, if possible the whole body and have your bath after that and do not touch your sexual organ.
8. Manage your spare time with useful activities! Those who suffer from masturbation are commonly those who have less work to busy them. So, do keep yourself busy.
9. Engage in sports activities. Every teenager should play at least one sport that is appropriate for him.
10. If you are single and suffer from sexual desires, than do not be fond of chocolate, nuts, hazelnut, banana, spice etc, which increase the sexual appetite.
11.Reduce the amount of beverage you take which stimulates the nervous system such as coffee, tea etc.
12. Keep away from conversations that arouse the desires.
13. If you are single and it is almost impossible for you to control your desires and give up masturbation, do not wait any longer to get married.
Spiritual Solutions
1. Bear in mind that masturbation out of absolute necessity brings you nothing but sin and Divine penalty.
2. It is a virtue to endure with the carnal desires of soul and besides, to overcome them firm you spiritually while masturbation push you into sin and spiritual affliction.
3. Performing fast has a profound impact on calming down the carnal desires. It is possible to avoid masturbation by performing fast. Thus, you will acquire two kinds of merits; both for fasting and for abstaining from the masturbation sin.
4. Remember that, although you assume yourself to be alone and seem by no one while masturbating, actually you are not alone and always seen by Allah, the All-seeing swt and the angels. Isn’t it embarrassing?
5. Make dua and repentance asking Allah swt for His guidance…